Motorised moggy?

Elvis the robocat!
I suspect this may be slightly faked, hahaha!

Yeah, yeah yeah, yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah!

This is the cover to my debut album. In an historic move, it will be the first album to be made exclusively available through the medium of psychic download. This technology has been created by my good self, and Uri Geller, the cutlery deformer in association with The British Institute Of Things That Make You Go Woooooaah, (patron Keith Chegwin). Unfortunatley, at this time, only dogs will be able to download this masterpiece of noisy soundness. And even then, they'll need special antenna, nailed to their heads.
Btw, I'm not a real Lord, it's just that Uri told me, the ladies like a bit of ermine.

The walking wounded.

I have injured my leg whilst playing a game of, "try to cross the road without getting run over". I didn't get hit by a car, but managed to tear my calf muscle as I foolishly tried to run across (at my age!). I decided to phone a well known TV advertised accident legal claims type company. However, the lady at the end of the phone informed me that it was my own fault and, furthermore, said she knew where I lived, and was coming round to urinate through my letterbox! Which is why I have moved to Iceland (brrrr).

Go to hell.

Go to hell? Why would one want to go to hell, it is, by all accounts, a terrible place, full of little demons shoving spikes up peoples arses....and, er stuff like that. Not to mention, the Devil lives there. But, if one were really hell bent (ba dum tsh) on visiting the firery pit of despondency, then here's a nice list of all the known gateways to hell in the UK. Enjoy.

Stuck for Christmas gift ideas?

Well, how about some athletic sweat, some body fluid or maybe even some innards? Mmmm, Dear Santa.........

Tweet Tweet.

The great lyricist, Hal David, once wrote, "why do birds suddenly appear, everytime you are near?" Well, in my case, it's because I'm wearing a suit made entirely from worms. Why, because I'm a fashion god.

Old people - they're a bit strange, don't you think?

Was doing a bit of shopping in my local ASDA, and decided to pick up a newspaper. "Don't take the top one", said the wizened Yoda look a like, lurking next to the paper stand, "you don't know who touched it last, they might have a disease!" Foolishly, I ignored him, three days later - bubonic plague!
WE IGNORE THE WISDOM OF THE ELDERLY AT OUR OWN PERIL!

Poor old Brian.

So now they've made a film about Brian Jones. Let the poor bugger lie in peace. Ok, maybe he was murdered, maybe he wasn't, nobody knows. Let it be.
Then again, if it makes Jagger look like a twat, then that's one good thing. Can't be any worse than "The Doors" either.

How to Avoid Responsibilities

From the excellent anxietyculture.com -
Thou shalt not avoid problems and responsibilities.
"An unfortunate result of this commandment is that by the time we become adults, our avoidance and evasion skills are badly under-developed. When we finally get high blood pressure or ulcers, we need to drop social duties and quit work, but nothing in our upbringing tells us how to make this escape."

Time to tool up for the end of days?

Don't know about you, but when armageddon happens, I wanna be tooled up, so thank heavens for Jim Bakker (yes, that Jim Bakker) for giving us the chance to get our hands on The Sword of 'The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. Bring it on!

Mindless Ramblings

The title of the post says it all really. Stay tuned.