Motorised moggy?

Elvis the robocat!
I suspect this may be slightly faked, hahaha!

Yeah, yeah yeah, yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah!

This is the cover to my debut album. In an historic move, it will be the first album to be made exclusively available through the medium of psychic download. This technology has been created by my good self, and Uri Geller, the cutlery deformer in association with The British Institute Of Things That Make You Go Woooooaah, (patron Keith Chegwin). Unfortunatley, at this time, only dogs will be able to download this masterpiece of noisy soundness. And even then, they'll need special antenna, nailed to their heads.
Btw, I'm not a real Lord, it's just that Uri told me, the ladies like a bit of ermine.

The walking wounded.

I have injured my leg whilst playing a game of, "try to cross the road without getting run over". I didn't get hit by a car, but managed to tear my calf muscle as I foolishly tried to run across (at my age!). I decided to phone a well known TV advertised accident legal claims type company. However, the lady at the end of the phone informed me that it was my own fault and, furthermore, said she knew where I lived, and was coming round to urinate through my letterbox! Which is why I have moved to Iceland (brrrr).

Go to hell.

Go to hell? Why would one want to go to hell, it is, by all accounts, a terrible place, full of little demons shoving spikes up peoples arses....and, er stuff like that. Not to mention, the Devil lives there. But, if one were really hell bent (ba dum tsh) on visiting the firery pit of despondency, then here's a nice list of all the known gateways to hell in the UK. Enjoy.

Stuck for Christmas gift ideas?

Well, how about some athletic sweat, some body fluid or maybe even some innards? Mmmm, Dear Santa.........